Houston Central Doulas

Let’s Talk About Sex

When you or your partner is pregnant, chances are good that your sex life is about to change. It could get more exciting, have a lull, involve some permanent or temporary changes, or make for some hilarious stories you both privately laugh about for years to come.

In no particular order, we’re going to talk about some of the common things that come to mind that relate to sex during pregnancy. If details regarding the nitty-gritty of nookie during pregnancy aren’t your jam, look away!

Am I Going To Hurt The Baby If We Have Sex During Pregnancy? 

Unless your medical care provider has specifically asked you to avoid sex during part of your pregnancy, you aren’t going to hurt the baby. Most dads to be have a fear that they’re going to poke or hurt the baby. The baby in the uterus has the cervix as a buffer between itself and the outside world.  During pregnancy, the cervix is firmly sealed shut with the layer known as the “mucus plug” to keep out “foreign” intruders. If your woman is down for some hanky-panky, you aren’t intruding on anyone. If you feel like you’re poking something, you’ve hit her cervix.  The only way this is bad news is if she doesn’t like it simply because she doesn’t like it, or because she has increased sensitivity.

Am I Going To Hurt Her If We Have Sex During Pregnancy? 

Sex during pregnancy, especially in later trimesters, can be like the trapeze artists at the circus. The main concern about causing pain and discomfort during pregnancy is when the baby is taking up prime real estate and is forming a barrier between you and your partner. If a woman is in pain, she will tell you. It may be hard to have sex in a missionary position if that’s what you are used to. Welcome the opportunity to try sex in different positions. Either of you can lead in finding the one that works the best. There’s nothing wrong with two people who enjoy each other physically to find positions outside of their normal routine. Who knows? You might both find one you love more than what you’re used to that might help you conceive your next few kids. 😉 

She Seems More Self-Conscious About Sex During Pregnancy

Pregnancy does a lot of things to a woman and how she thinks of her body and her sex life. I’m hoping to touch on all of those things during the course of this blog. One of the things is that she may be worried about her changing body, any baby weight she’s carrying, and a general feeling of being more like an incubator than the sexy beast she is. The other aspect is that all of her hormones change, and that can cause her natural juices to vanish or take on forms she has never seen before.  Lube may become a necessity. If you have a relationship where you perform oral sex on each other (yes, I went there) she may be mortified and put a stop to that because she doesn’t want to think she is grossing you out.

Those Hormones Are A Doozy

Pregnancy hormones are cray. Magical, but cray. They’re to blame for all the weird stuff that happens during pregnancy. You don’t even have to Google it. Hormones are pregnancy’s legit excuse for everything. There are times during pregnancy that a woman is not interested in sex. It’s not because she isn’t attracted to her partner, or they did something, or anything like that. It’s just that her mind, her body, and her emotions can’t in that moment sync up to have a truly enjoyable experience. Other times, she is going to be on her partner like white on rice. She’s going to go into cave woman mode and want to get with her partner so bad.  When we are pregnant and we get to the point where we see ourselves as the divine feminine (I can grow a human! Hizzah!), we love to think of our partners as the people that protect us and fortify our nest. Our oxytocin gets flowing when we think about the badass couple we are, and sometimes that results in some sweet lovin’.

Did You Say Acrobatics?

During pregnancy, especially near the end, the woman’s body releases relaxin. Relaxin causes muscles and ligaments all over the body to stretch and relax. Please don’t get too crazy in acrobatics in terms of legs on shoulders or anything without having the deductible to the chiropractor ready. You may both need to go in. 😉 If it hurts, stop. If it feels good, do it.

What Can We Do If We Aren’t Having Sex During Pregnancy? 

Intimacy is super important at all times, but especially during pregnancy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a good roll in the sheets without much eye contact…because we all need that at some point. BUT…you are both going to have your doubts about your role in your relationship now that you’re adding a baby. Is he/she going to have time for me? Are we going to have time alone together? Am I still attractive? Am I everything he/she needs right now? You get the point. Sometimes you just need to lay in bed and hold each other. Play in each other’s hair. Make goo-goo eyes at each other. Express your love for each other. Snuggle up. If you’re having difficulty getting it on, sometimes intimacy helps you out. And sometimes all you both need is just some intimacy.

Affirming your commitment to each other through acts of service like getting the gross mug out of the car before it kills you all can be great for your relationship.  Make a meal to share with each other, find a show you both like, talk honestly about your excitement and fears about having a new baby.

Did You Know?: Semen Can Actually Assist in Starting Labor. 

Semen is rich in prostaglandins. Prostaglandins can help to ripen/soften the cervix. If she also has an orgasm she isn’t going to forget, it will cause muscle spasms in her uterus that can help to start a steady stream of contractions. However, sex isn’t recommended if her water has already broken.

Trust, Trust, and Trust Some More

Trust is the most important aspect of having sex with anyone. If you haven’t yet had a hiccup in your relationship or ever needed an honest deep talk, this might be the time it starts. A lot of time during sex, and life in general, we focus on what someone else wants or needs. Of course, we like sex with our partner, but we want to know they’re getting something out of it. Sometimes we push ourselves to go longer, or to kiss better, or do whatever it takes that both of us leave happy. It’s possible that sometimes we don’t say what we want, or don’t want. We might be in pain and try to push through it. Or we want to try something different. Be honest with each other. And be accepting. Try to compromise. If you can’t compromise, please just respect each other. This is a delicate time for both of you.


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