My Best Advice For The Parent NOT Birthing The Baby

Your Partner Is Going To Give Birth To Your Baby

This  birth advice applies to anyone regardless of gender if someone else is birthing a baby that you’re going to raise. So, the baby is coming. The big day is fast approaching. We all know what the big day is. Your baby’s birthday is soon!

Somehow, You’ve Got An Invite to L&D

Whether you’re the dad to be, the intended parents with a surrogate, or part of a same sex relationship, you’re got a front row seat to the birth of your baby. You’re important. As an important part of The Team, you’ve got a big role to play. And it’s probably making you anxious.

You Just Want Everything To Go Well

We all know you love your baby, and you haven’t even met them yet. And chances are extremely high that you either romantically love the person birthing your kid, or you invested a lot of time and money into that person. You want everything to go well. You want the baby and the person that births it to be healthy and safe.

Birth Is Hard

It’s hard to be at a birth. I’ve been at a ton, and that never changes. The difference between us? I was professionally trained over and over again in order to be prepared. I’ve put almost 10 years into being a birth doula, and sometimes they still throw me for a loop. And if this is your first baby, chances are good this is also your first time at a birth.

It’s hard to watch someone you care about lose control. Even if they only lose control for a second. Nothing else is as crazy amazing as watching a living human being come out of another living human being and take their first breath. It’s hard to see someone you care about grab the sheets, sweat, say curse words, and maybe even poop on the bed. Additionally, it can be hard when things go from calm to 100mph in two seconds. It can be hard when you feel like you’re supposed to do something to help your partner.

You’re The Best Support Person For Your Partner

Now, I’m supposed to encourage you to get a doula since it’s my profession and how I pay my bills. But you’re actually the best person for the job of being chill during the birth of your baby. You are the person that your partner needs. But they don’t need superhero you. They don’t need awake for 40 hours you. They don’t need a you that is starving. They need the you that makes them feel safe. They need the you the makes them laugh. They need the you that makes the oxytocin flow. They need the you that is desperately and helplessly in love with someone you haven’t met yet.


Just Be Yourself

And so my best advice for you as you welcome your new baby is to live the role that you’ve already mastered. It’s okay not to feel perfect or even like you know what is happening. And while you’re focused on your partner, it’s important to focus on yourself. What I want you to remember is that the birth of your baby is also part of your journey. You are not on the sidelines. You are not expected to fix everything. Be present, and enjoy being an active participant in the birth of your child.

And if you find that a tired and starving you makes you cranky and unable to focus on the birth of your kid, that is where you’d hire me to come in and handle that and all the technical information so that you can be more chill and present in the moment.


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